Hello...Is this thing on? A pandemic and a lost mojo

Hello? Anyone there?             

So after nearly three and a half years since my last post, I decided to give blogging another shot. Can't promise that my posts will be good, but I promise I'll give a good shot.

So much has happened since i last wrote one of these, either on a global and on a personal level. 

• The President of the United States damn near lost his mind and will leave office in two days (at time of writing this). Some will say that he should've been out of office a lot sooner.
• I entered into and exited from a relationship.
• I've lost friendships
• The world lost stars such as Chuck Berry, Aretha Franklin, Sean Connery, Chadwick Boseman and Kobe Bryant to name but a few.

But the world has been turned most upside-down by the Coronavirus pandemic that has gripped the world for over a year. The virus and subsequent lockdowns across the globe has brought out many different characteristics in people with displays of everything from humility towards the situation and their fellow human to displays of petulance from people having to endure the minor inconvenience of having to wear a mask.

Prior to even the first mention of the virus in the news, I'd started to have therapy sessions to deal with mental health worries (I'm still having sessions). I also missed properly celebrating my landmark 40th birthday (This will be made up for when things return to normal) Lockdowns have also shown to test people's mental resolve. Everyone seemed to have a different coping mechanism for dealing with the lockdowns. I'd made a resolution to try new things. There were things I'd wanted to try and so I began. I experimented with cooking new things. I took up painting. I'm no Picasso but I'm definitely a work in progress. 

But since just before the festive season, my mojo to do anything of a creative nature has weaned somewhat. No painting, no meaningful writing for nearly two months.

Hopefully i can arrest this slump soon, but only time will tell

IT

What is 'IT'

No I don't mean Information Technology. So all computer experts look away now. 

The IT I'm referring to is the IT you hear people saying they're searching for. 

Many people are searching many things. Some are looking for multiple things. 

But what is IT? 

IT can be many things to many people

Could be:

Love

Friendship

Kindness

Patience

Desire

Money

Happiness

Closure

Wanting

Peace

Confidence

Passion

All things valid in the their own way, and all worthy of the title of 'IT'

But how do you define and measure these examples of IT?

How do you know when you have found enough 'IT'? 

Questions and Answers

Tonight I've found myself doing a form of character self-assessment exercise. The following Q&A section is taken from a scenario whereby I interview myself

Q: Are proud of yourself?

A: For certain things that I've accomplished, I feel proud. 

Q: Do you have regrets? 

A: Yeah lying to my folks when I was younger. Getting found out brings you back down to Earth with a bump

Q: Are you happy when you're part of a group or are happier being alone?

A: I can function well in a team but ultimately I prefer to operate on my own.

Q: Does your happiness depend on yourself or the actions of others? 

A: My happiness is mainly dependent on me, but my sadness is also mainly my own fault

Q: Are you happy with what you're doing?

A: Although I get some satisfaction from what I do for a living,but ultimately it's my writing that I'd like to be doing permanently

Q: How will you be you measure your success?

A: If I can make my writing work be seen by even just a few, and make some money from it, then that to me is a success

Q: Do you know where you want to do?

A: I'd like to make it as a writer in New York City

Q: What scares you?

A: As strange as it may seem for someone who enjoys operating on his own, the thought that scares me the most is actually dying alone. Not finding someone to spend the golden years with petrifies me 

Q: Are you happy?

A: In terms of the fact I'm alive, yes I'm happy. On an emotional level, I am nowhere close to happy. 

Q: Would your friends regard you as a help or a hindrance?

A: I think most would regard me as a help, as I'm always around if they need someone to talk to. But sometimes, I feel like my low self esteem drags them down from their happiness. Another of my regrets I guess

I know there's things I need to work on. It's all about how successful I become at that

Different Sides

It's been a while since my last post so I thought it was about time to correct that.

Just less than two weeks ago, I returned from a vacation in New York. It was definitely one of the best experiences of my life, just feeling the rush of the City That Never Sleeps.

Since I've returned it's led to much thinking about what I'd like to do with my future (Yes people, I'm nearly as undecided want I want to with my life now, as I was when I left school)

To give this some perspective, from a certain angle in my house, on a good day I can see about 6 or 7 miles East and about 13 miles West. I equate this to looking where I've been and where I want to go. To the East, where the sun rises. Where everything has gone before. Relationships, friendships, growing up. Good times and bad times.

Then I look to the West. The land of the setting sun. The direction of my favourite place on Earth (If you guessed New York, give yourself a pat on the back) The direction in which many of the people I converse with on a daily basis live. (God bless Twitter). Maybe I need to look into taking the leap and take myself over there on a permanent basis. After all, to the West is all manner of places I still want to visit and re-visit. Boston, Philadelphia, Chicago, Seattle, San Francisco, Los Angeles, the list goes on and on.

But to close, I think, and I hope my future lies in a place so good, they named it twice. Good ol' NYC. It's where I've set the location for my ongoing novel, and hopefully it's the place that one day I'll call home.

To the future and all the excitement that goes along with it

2013, you kicked my ass.

Inspired by something I read a few nights ago, I've decided to write of brief post on what 2013 has shown me.

I started the year in the same way that many other people do. I made a bucketload of resolutions that I was going to try and accomplish, and like most other people, through being stuck in the Bermuda Triangle of a lack of time, patience and willpower, I didn't accomplish any of them. 

My main goal was to try and finish the novel that I'm working on. By my standards I've actually been relatively successful, as in I've actually managed to write more than half the book.

On the love side of things, 2013 has totally sucked. For those of you who don't know me, my last relationship ended 18 months ago, when my then girlfriend informed that one reason that she didn't love me anymore is because I was too overweight. The comment cut deep. Very deep. To feel that kind of emotional hurt is not something I'd bestow on my worst enemy. As you can imagine, things like that play in my mind, even now when we've both moved on with our respective lives. More than once this year, I've thought about taking the ultimate way out. I'm ok admitting that, especially as I didn't act on it. Anyway back to relationship issues in 2013. The one date I've been on this year, taught me that when it comes to dating, I should take my rightful place as mayor of the friendzone. I met a woman who I seemed to get along with well. We go out for dinner, seemingly have a nice time. After that evening, heard nothing for nearly a week. Finally when I hear from her again, she informs me that she only views me as a friend. You could see how things like that could give a guy a complex. Even two days I'm writing this, I've been turned down for another date. I suspect a fair few people feel the same, where the feeling of rejection is like a sucker punch to the gut. It will always scare the life out of me to think that, even though everyone is supposed to have that one certain someone who is destined to be with them, that I will never find that person. I guess that's the fun of the chase.

 The main thing I'm grateful for this year, is the outstanding group of friends that I've amassed, and the fact they've probably collectively saved me. If they're reading this, and they think they're one of the people in question, they probably are, and for that I will be eternally grateful.

So onto the New Year. Vacation to New York in March to celebrate my birthday to look forward to. As for resolutions, I've learned my lesson. My main goal is to finish my novel. Anything good that happens outside of that will be a delightful bonus. As for love, who knows.

To great times and big dreams

2014 be warned. I'm coming for you

Why I love New York City

12 years ago today, September 11th 2001, a city, a country, and let's face it, the world were changed to a degree that nobody could ever have foreseen.I don't want to dwell on the event itself but more the aftermath.

First some background. Approximately a month before 9/11 I was in New York on vacation. I'd previously visited the city once, and since the event I've returned twice. When I visited in 2001, I took a trip to the observation deck in the World Trade Center. The views were extraordinary.

I was at work when I heard about the attack. I finished my shift, went home and became transfixed with the news coverage. CNN, BBC News. I was watching both at times, trying to get my head around how and why an event like that could occur. Of course, in the days to come, the world would learn who caused the tragedy.

The other thing that occurred to me, was how resilient the people of New York are. I'm on Twitter and I'd say probably 80-90% of my 700+ followers are American and more specifically from the Tri-State area. It probably has a lot to do with my avid interest in American sports. Today I found myself thinking of how New York used sports as a method way of trying to resume some form of normal routine, and two sports events sprang to mind, both of which are featured in videos below.

New York Mets after 9/11 http://youtu.be/XCWlPDlOQ9k


New York Yankees after 9/11 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w8WhoiuU3Og

It doesn't matter which team you follow. Either of those videos are enough to give anybody goosebumps. When I watched them today, I got chills and my eyes welled up. No matter what happens, togetherness and normality will always triumph over evil.

To summarise. I LOVE NEW YORK, and I always will I envy the people who call it home and one day, I hope to call it home for myself. To be surrounded by the magnificence of Times Square. To stroll down Broadway. To stand on the Empire State Building observation deck and watch the city streets below.

I, like many other people, will never forget 9/11 and nor do I think I ever will forget it.

Well I'll also always remember is New York, its inhabitants and their fantastic attitude in the face of such tragedy.


New York, you have a large place in my heart and you always will.

Cannot wait to visit the city again next year

NEVER FORGET

Giving stand up a go

So last night (Wednesday) I had a go at doing some stand up comedy. I was performing at the Frog and Bucket comedy club in Preston. They hold open mic contests under the title of Beat The Frog. I'd not previously visited the club, but I had visited the parent club in Manchester, where I'd also taken part in the same contest about 4 or 5 years ago.  I walked in an hour before the show started and shown a waiting area, which was another, albeit smaller performing area to the room I'd be performing in. I was given some drinks tokens and told I could redeem them at the bar in the main performance room. As I got to the bar, I looked around, and the first thing that occurred to me was how small and low to the ceiling was (I'm 6'4, so a low ceiling poses numerous potential problems) I got a bottle of water and went back to the waiting area.

The way the contest works is this: an MC  comedian does a small stint on stage. Then two previous winners do about 8 minutes each. Then there's a 15 minute break. Then 8 acts go on stage ( 4 acts then a break, then the other 4 acts) All acts have to try and survive for 5 minutes. If they do that, then they 'Beat The Frog' While the acts are on stage, 3 audience members are given a large card with a frog animation on it. If they don't like what they're ham eating they raise the card. If all 3 cards go up before the 5 minutes is up, the act is off accompanied by a recorded Ribbit sound and Loser by Beck. 

So that's the gist of things and away we go. The MC comedian comes on and starts doing a routine. Some things get a laugh and some things don't. He carries on unaffected by the non-laughs. The two previous winners come on and do their acts and then it's break time. Now then nerves are beginning to kick in the hardest they've been all night.

So the break ends and the first contest act is introduced onto the stage. She's very dry witted and as with the MC, some stuff works and some doesn't. She's frogged off at about 2 minutes 45 seconds. Next up is me. Nerves have been replaced by fear. I'd been carrying notes around on my routine all evening and I'd read and re-read them about 10 times since I got to the club. 

So I'm introduced onto the stage and overcome the first couple of obstacles. Firstly I got on the stage without falling flat on my face. Secondly the MC pronounced my surname correctly. It's L-I-V-I-C-K but I can't begin the different ways I've heard it pronounced. 

So I get to the mic, take it off the mic stand and look round at the audience. First  thought; holy crap, the stage lights are just a little bright. Actually not little. VERY bright. So bright I can barely make out the bar 20 feet away. I can see a few people at tables closer to the stage which is good. I begin my act by asking if everyone's having a good time. As a whole the audience replies yes. I inform them that I'll soon change that, which gets a laugh, and I'm ecstatic inside. So carrying on my routine, I talk about my pet peeves with drivers such as people who steer their car like they've watched the Karate Kid movies too many times. (Hand flat on the wheel, doing the 'wax on, wax off' motion when steering) This gets a few laughs. Now we're talking. Then I go onto talk about how the attitudes to how men and women like to try and improve relationships. This also gets some laughs, but alas not enough and although I can't see all the cards, soon enough I hear Loser blasting out the speakers and my time is done. A respectable 2 minutes 7 seconds. The nerves and fear have gone and I retake my seat and breathe a huge sigh of relief. Now I can enjoy the rest of the show. The next two acts go on and they both last the five minutes. Break time. 

Time seems to fly now I've done my stint and soon enough were underway again. The second set of acts start to come on. The first only  lasts 4 minutes 16. five minutes but the next two do. Now we're down to the final act. I'm currently last in the contest.  A guy from Hull who acted like a cross between Russell Brand and Gok Wan. He bursts onto stage full of vigour and starts his routine. He talks about how he thinks good looking women don't always make the most of what they've got. Then he picks out a woman sat near the stage and tells her that he'd like to create what he defined as a 'sperm genocide' on her face. To her credit, she took it well, as did her boyfriend who she was with. Alas, that was the final straw for his act and he was frogged off at 1 minute 20 seconds. Secretly I was pleased I hadn't finished last in the contest, bit more pleased by the fact I'd made some people laugh. That's all I'd set out to do, so mission accomplished. 

It's something that I'll definitely be looking to have a go at again. A whole lotta fun.

Sometimes it's good to do things that take you out of your comfort zone. When was the last time you did something like that?